Teenagers

Online Grooming: Signs Your Child Is Being Targeted, and What to Do

How online grooming usually works, the signs a child or teenager may be targeted through games, social media or chat apps, what to say to them, and how to save evidence and report it, wherever you live.

By MOH. SAMY · Reviewed 3 November 2026 · 3 min read

If you think a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

Online grooming is when someone builds a relationship with a child or teenager online in order to abuse or exploit them. It can happen in games, social media, chat apps and video sites. The person might pretend to be a child, or might be honest about being older and present themselves as a friend, a mentor or a romantic partner.

You don’t need to know every trick. You need to know the shape of it, and keep your child talking to you.

The usual pattern

Grooming usually follows a few broad steps:

  1. Making contact, often in a place children gather.
  2. Becoming special: lots of attention, praise, understanding, gifts or game currency. “Nobody gets you like I do.”
  3. Moving somewhere private: away from the public game or group, to private messages or another app.
  4. Secrecy: “Don’t tell your parents, they wouldn’t understand.”
  5. Pushing boundaries: personal questions, sexual talk, requests for pictures, or a meeting.
  6. Control: guilt, threats or blackmail to keep the child quiet. See Sextortion.

Signs to watch for

None of these alone proves anything. Look for changes, and several together:

  • A new online friend they’re secretive about, or who seems older.
  • Being on the device late at night, or hiding the screen when you come in.
  • New apps or accounts you didn’t know about.
  • Gifts, money, game items or a new phone that they can’t explain.
  • Mood changes: more withdrawn, anxious, angry, or unusually excited about someone.
  • Pulling away from family and real-life friends.
  • Talking about sex or relationships in a way that doesn’t fit their age.

What to do if you’re worried

1. Stay calm and talk

“I’ve noticed you seem worried lately, or very busy on your phone. I’m not angry. I want to make sure you’re okay. Is anyone online making you feel uncomfortable?”

Teenagers who feel they’re being groomed often believe it’s a real relationship. Arguing that “they’re a predator” can push them to defend the person. Instead, ask questions: “Do they ask you to keep things secret? Have they asked for pictures? How do you feel when they do that?”

2. Make it clear they’re not in trouble

Whatever they’ve sent or said, they’re the one being targeted. “This isn’t your fault. Adults who do this are very good at it.”

3. Don’t delete anything, and don’t confront the person

Save evidence: screenshots of messages, usernames, profile pages, dates. Don’t save or share any sexual image of your child. Don’t message the person or warn them.

4. Report it

5. Get support for your child

Being groomed can leave a child ashamed, confused and grieving a “friend” who never existed. A counsellor or child helpline can help.

Before it ever happens

  • Talk about it the way you talk about road safety: calm and ordinary.
  • Agree that new online friends get mentioned at home, and nobody from online gets met in person without you.
  • Keep devices out of bedrooms at night. Write it into your Phone agreement.
  • Say the sentence that matters most: “If anyone online ever makes you uncomfortable, asks for secrets or pictures, or threatens you, come to me. You won’t be in trouble. I’ll help.”

Sources

Next step

This week, ask your child to show you the game or app they use most, and who they talk to there. Listen more than you speak. Phone agreement → What to say →