My Teenager Is Drinking or Using Drugs: What to Do First

If your teenager can’t be woken, is breathing strangely, is having a fit, or you think they’ve taken something dangerous, call your local emergency number now. Don’t let them “sleep it off” alone.

Take a breath before anything else

You found a bottle in the bag, a smell on the clothes, pills in a drawer. Or your son came home and couldn’t stand straight. Your first feeling may be fear, then anger, then shame.

Hold all three for a moment. What you do in the next day decides whether your teenager hides it better, or talks to you.

Why teenagers try it

The reasons differ, and the answer depends on the reason:

• Curiosity. Everyone talks about it. They want to know.
• Copying. A friend, an older cousin, sometimes a parent. A teenager who sees an adult drink to cope learns that’s how you cope.
• Stubbornness. “You said no, so I will.”
• Belonging. Saying no feels like being left out.
• Escape. Stress, sadness, loneliness, pressure at school. This one matters most, because it means something underneath needs attention.

Signs to watch for

One sign proves nothing. Look for a change, and several together:

• New friends they won’t introduce, and old friends dropped.
• Money or things disappearing from the house.
• Red eyes, the smell of alcohol or smoke, unusual tiredness.
• Falling grades, missed school, lost interest in sport or hobbies.
• Secrecy, lying about where they were, a locked phone and a locked room.
• Big mood swings, anger, or flatness.

The talk

Not when they’re drunk or high

Make sure they’re safe, let them sleep somewhere you can check on them, and talk the next day.

Start with what you saw, not with a verdict

“Last night you came home drunk. I was scared. I want to understand what’s going on.”

Not: “You’re ruining your life.”

Let your disappointment show, without hitting and without humiliation

A teenager who sees that he let you down, and that you’re still on his side, feels it far more than a slap. Hitting teaches him to hide better. Silence and disappointment, followed by talk, reach deeper.

Ask why, and listen

Was it curiosity, the friends, or was he trying to get away from something? Listen to the answer without interrupting. The reason decides what you do next.

Say the sentence that matters most

“Don’t lie to me. Whatever happens, I’d rather hear it from you than from someone outside. If you’re ever in trouble, drunk, in danger, or in a car with someone who’s been drinking, call me. I’ll come and get you, no questions that night.”

A teenager who’s afraid of his parents hides things, and a hundred worse things can happen outside.

Then the plan

• Clear limits, said once: no alcohol or drugs, home at the agreed time, you know where they are.
• A consequence linked to the act, not a punishment that humiliates. See the Consequence finder.
• Know the friends. Not to forbid them all, but to know who they are and where they go.
• Fill the empty time. Many teenagers drink or use because there’s nothing else: give them a goal, a sport, real responsibility, a job in the holidays.
• Look at yourself. If there’s alcohol on the table every night, your words won’t carry. Change what they see.

When to get help

Get help from a doctor or a specialist service if:

• it happens again and again, or they can’t stop;
• they’re using drugs, not just trying alcohol once;
• they seem low, anxious, or talk about not wanting to live;
• they’re stealing, lying constantly, or in trouble with the law.

Free, confidential help for parents exists in many countries:

• US: SAMHSA National Helpline, 1-800-662-4357 (samhsa.gov).
• UK: FRANK, 0300 123 6600 (talktofrank.com).
• Elsewhere: your family doctor can point you to local services.

More: Teen Vaping: What to Do When You Find Out and How Much Freedom Should a 15-Year-Old Have?

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Next step

Wait until everyone is calm. Then, this week, say the one sentence: “Don’t lie to me. If you’re ever in trouble, call me. I’ll come and get you.” Before you talk → Consequence finder →