What to Do When Your Child Sees Something Scary

The short answer: what a child sees can stay for years, but what happens next decides how it is carried. Stay calm, tell the truth in their size, and watch for signs that it is still weighing on them.

A fight in the street, a serious accident, a man screaming at a woman in a shop, something terrible on a phone screen at a friend’s house. Children see frightening things outside the home, and parents can’t always prevent it.

My view: what a child sees can stay for years, but what happens next decides how it is carried. A child who saw something terrible and had no one to tell carries it alone. A child who had a calm parent beside them, and honest words afterwards, carries it lighter. Be the closest person; if they cannot bring it to you, they will bring it to a screen or a stranger. What parents can do is help children make sense of what they saw, so it doesn’t sit inside them alone for years.

Why these moments can stay

Many adults can still remember, clearly, something frightening they saw as a child in the street, at school, or on television. Moments with strong fear are often stored deeply. For a child, a scene of violence or danger can change their sense of how safe the world is, especially if nobody helps them talk about it.

What often makes the difference is not only what the child saw, but what happened next: whether an adult noticed, talked with them, and helped them feel safe again.

Step 1: Get to safety and calm

First, move your child away from the scene if you can. Your calm matters more than your words. Children read their parent’s face to decide how frightened they should be.

Breathe slowly. Lower your voice. Hold their hand. You can say: “That was scary. We’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

Step 2: Ask what they saw

Later, at home, when things are calm, ask gently: “You saw something frightening today. What did you see?”

Let your child tell it in their own words. Children sometimes misunderstand what happened, or imagine it was worse, or think it was somehow their fault. You won’t know until you ask.

Step 3: Give simple, honest information

Correct misunderstandings with short, truthful facts, suited to their age:

• “Two men were angry and fighting. The police came and stopped it. The man who was hurt went to hospital, where doctors will look after him.”
• “There was a car crash. The ambulance came very fast. That’s their job, to help.”

Avoid details they don’t need. Avoid promises you can’t keep, like “That will never happen again.”

Step 4: Name feelings, and allow them

“It’s okay to feel scared, or sad, or even angry about it.” Some children want to talk a lot. Some don’t want to talk at all. Some will play it out with toys or draw it. All of these are normal ways of processing.

NHS guidance for parents after a frightening event suggests that parents “Normalise that feeling upset, confused, angry, down are natural and understandable responses” and “Be calm and consistent in your language and behaviour and responses” (NHS Healthier Together).

Step 5: Keep routines steady

Return to normal life as soon as possible. The same NHS guidance advises: “Keep a routine and have enjoyable and pleasurable things planned; familiarity and predictability are important.” Meals, school, bedtime and play tell a child that the world is still safe.

Step 6: Watch for reactions in the days after

The NHS lists common reactions in children after a frightening event, including “Being clingy and not wanting to be separated from a parent/ carer”, “Having mild sleep disturbance (e.g., bad dreams or difficulties getting to sleep)”, “Not wanting to go to school”, “Crying”, and, in young children, “a slight regression in behaviour such as wetting/ soiling.”

These reactions often fade over days or weeks with comfort and routine.

Step 7: Connect it to safety and helpers

Help children notice the helpers: police, paramedics, people who stopped to help. “Lots of people came to help. That’s what most people do when someone is hurt.”

This gives children a picture of the world where frightening things happen, but people also respond with care.

About violence between adults

If your child saw a man hurting a woman, or any adult hurting another, it may raise questions about safety, gender, or relationships. You might say: “Nobody is allowed to hurt another person. That man was doing something wrong. That’s why the police came.” Children who see violence need to hear clearly that it is not normal or acceptable.

About screens

Frightening images on phones and screens can also stay with children. Keep devices in shared spaces for younger children, talk about what to do if they see something upsetting (“Come and tell me, you won’t be in trouble”), and use parental controls where helpful.

For your own feelings

Seeing something frightening with your child can shake you too. It’s okay to take time to calm down, talk to another adult, or seek support for yourself. Children are helped by parents who are looked after.

When to get help

The NHS guidance describes a child who “still experiences trauma symptoms at least 1 month after the traumatic event” as needing more specialist support, and advises: “Talk to your GP.” Talk to your child’s doctor sooner if reactions are very strong, getting worse, or affecting daily life. If anyone is in danger now, call your local emergency number.

One small step

If your child has seen something frightening recently, choose a quiet moment tonight, at bedtime or while drawing together, and say: “I’ve been thinking about what we saw. Is there anything you want to ask me about it?”

Then listen. Sometimes the most important thing a child needs is to know that someone else saw it too, and is still there beside them.

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Sources

• NHS Healthier Together. Trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (child under 12). healthiertogether.nhs.uk