The couple under the children
The two of us
We talk about the children, and nothing else.
21 articles. Read one, try its small step for a week, and notice what changes.
- Arguing in Front of Kids: Why How It Ends Matters MostChildren may be affected less by the fact that parents argue than by how the argument ends. What research suggests about conflict, repair, and what children see.
- Money Stress and Family Conflict: When the House Gets LouderMoney worries may not stay in the bank account. How financial pressure can travel into tempers, arguments and parenting, and what may protect a family while it lasts.
- The Mental Load: Who Carries the House in Their Head?Running a home is not only doing the tasks; it is noticing, planning and remembering them. Why that invisible load may cause quiet resentment, and how couples can share it.
- When My Partner Undermines Me in Front of the Kids"Don't listen to your mother." When one parent overrules the other in front of the children, what may be happening, what to say in the moment, and what to say later.
- Feeling Like Roommates in Your Marriage After KidsWhen a couple's conversations shrink to schedules, bills and school runs, the distance may grow without anyone noticing. Why couples drift after children, and small ways back toward each other.
- Parents Who Disagree on Discipline: Finding One PlanOne of you is strict, the other is soft. A letter to two parents who love the same child and see discipline differently, and a way to become one team without becoming one person.
- When Your Partner Stops Talking: What the Silence May MeanWhen the talking stops between two partners, the silence can mean rest, distance or hurt. A reflective look at reading the quiet, and small ways to reach across it without testing each other.
- Staying Connected as a Couple While Raising Young KidsSmall children can leave little room for the two adults who started the family. Eight small rituals that may help a couple stay close in the busiest years, without needing time or money you do not have.
- Becoming a Stepparent: How to Build a Bond With StepchildrenStepchildren do not always welcome you, and trying too hard can backfire. Before and after examples of everyday moments, and what research on stepfamilies suggests about building a real bond.
- Writing an Unsent Letter: The Words I Never SaidThe message you typed and deleted. The thing you wanted to say to your partner, your ex, your mother, your child. A letter about unsaid words, and how writing them down, even unsent, can help.
- How Parents Arguing Affects Children, Even Behind Closed DoorsYou waited until the children were in bed. But voices carry through walls. What the argument children overhear can leave in them, what research says, and what makes the difference.
- Marriage After Kids: Why It Gets Harder and What HelpsSomewhere under the school runs and the bills, there are two people who once chose each other. A practical guide to looking after your relationship while raising children, and why it matters for the whole family.
- Should Parents Make Up in Front of the Kids? Why Repair MattersChildren often see the fight but never see the repair. Before and after examples of how parents can let children witness the making up, and why research suggests it matters as much as avoiding the fight.
- The Silent Treatment Between Parents: What Children LearnNo shouting, no slammed doors. Just two parents who stop speaking to each other for days. What children read in that silence, why it is not peace, and how to break it.
- The Four Horsemen in Marriage: Patterns Children LearnThe eye roll, the sneer, the "you always", the wall of silence. Four ways couples hurt each other that children watch and learn, and what to say instead, so your children see a better way to disagree.
- Disagreeing About Discipline in Front of the KidsOne parent is strict, the other is soft. Questions and answers on disagreeing about discipline: why couples differ, what children learn when parents argue in front of them, and how to settle it in a closed room and come out as a team.
- Child Caught in the Middle of Parents' Conflict"Tell your father..." "Whose side are you on?" Common beliefs about using children in parents' conflict, what really happens when a child is caught in the middle, and why bad-mouthing the other parent often backfires on you.
- How Parents' Respect for Each Other Teaches Children RespectChildren learn respect less from what we tell them and more from what they see between the adults. Before and after examples of everyday moments between parents, and the lessons children take from them.
- Staying Together for the Kids: What Matters Most to ChildrenMany parents stay in an unhappy marriage for the children's sake. Common beliefs about staying together or separating, set beside what research suggests matters most to children.
- Small Acts of Kindness Between Parents That Kids RememberA cup of tea brought without asking. A hand on a shoulder. A "how was your day?" that waits for the answer. Small daily rituals between partners that strengthen a relationship, and that children remember.
- Why Do I Resent My Partner Since the Baby Came?Since the baby, you find yourself angry at your partner more than you expected: the sleep, the load, the freedom they still seem to have. Where resentment comes from, and the one conversation that starts to take it apart.