Family Screen Time Rules, Including Parents' Phones

The short answer: the example comes before the rule. Make a screen plan for the whole family, the adults’ phones included, and keep meals, after school and bedtime phone-free.

You tell your son to put down the tablet and come to dinner. He says, “But you’re on your phone.” And he’s right. You were answering a work message. Or reading the news. Or just scrolling.

Most conversations about screens focus on children. But in many homes, the adults’ phones are part of the picture too.

My view: the example comes before the rule. A parent glued to a phone cannot teach a child to put theirs down. And screens are part of the world our children live in; we cannot raise them as if it were the world we grew up in. So the answer is not a ban, but agreements with set times that bind everyone, adults first. I also want children to carry a view of their own: what they see online is content people present. Not all of it is true. The question is where their real self is.

Do children really notice their parents’ phone use?

Yes. Young children notice when a parent’s attention moves from them to a screen. Older children notice the rules that apply to them but not to adults. Many children, when asked, say they wish their parents spent less time on their phones.

The American Academy of Pediatrics reminds parents that “you are an important role model in practicing healthy digital habits” (AAP, HealthyChildren: How to make a family media use plan).

Is it bad for parents to use phones around children?

Not always. Phones are part of modern life: work, family messages, maps, shopping, staying in touch. Many parents, especially those raising children alone or working from home, rely on them.

What matters more is when and how. A phone used briefly to check a message is different from a phone that constantly interrupts conversations, meals and play. Children feel the difference between a parent who is present and one who is half-away.

What is a family media plan?

A family media plan is a simple agreement, made together, about how everyone in the family uses screens. The AAP offers a free online tool to create one. It suggests including the adults’ habits in the plan, and setting screen-free zones “such as the dinner table, during homework and before bed.”

The key word is everyone. A plan where only children have rules is harder to keep, and feels unfair.

What could a family plan include?

Every family is different, but many include:

• Screen-free times: meals, the first half hour after school, the hour before bed.
• Screen-free places: the dinner table, bedrooms at night.
• Charging station: all devices, including adults’, charge outside bedrooms overnight.
• Content rules: what is okay to watch or play for each age.
• Adult commitments: for example, “Parents won’t check phones during dinner or bedtime stories.”
• Exceptions: what happens when a parent truly needs to take a work call.

How do we make the plan together?

Hold a short family meeting. Ask everyone, including children, to answer:

• What do we love about our screens?
• When do screens cause problems or arguments?
• When do we wish others were off their screens?

Children’s answers about adults can be eye-opening. Then agree a few simple rules and write them down. Review them after a month.

What if I need my phone for work?

Many parents do. It can help to tell children what you’re doing: “I need to answer a message from work, then I’m all yours.” That shows them the phone is being used with purpose, not drifting. Where possible, set times when work messages wait.

What about teenagers?

Teenagers’ phones are often their social world. Banning them entirely rarely works. Involve teens in the plan, give them reasons, and be willing to follow the same rules yourself. A teen who sees a parent leave their phone in the kitchen at night is more likely to accept the same rule.

What about two homes?

Different homes may have different screen rules. That’s usually manageable. If possible, agree on a few shared basics with the other parent, such as no phones in bedrooms at night for younger children. If not, keep your own plan steady and avoid criticising the other house.

What about the parent alone?

For a single parent, the phone may be a lifeline: adult conversation, work, a few minutes of escape. That’s real. Instead of trying to cut it out, it may help to choose protected moments: meals, bedtime, the first hour after school, where the phone goes away and the children have your full attention.

What children remember

Many teenagers and young adults, asked about their childhood, mention their parents’ phones. Not with anger, often, but with a kind of sadness: My mum was always on her phone at dinner. My dad would say “just a minute” and it was never a minute.

Children remember whether they had our eyes. Not every minute of every day. But in the moments that mattered to them: when they showed us a drawing, told us about their day, or needed comfort. A phone put down, deliberately, in those moments tells a child: You are more important than this.

Knowing what is on their screens

I believe a parent must know their child’s world, including what is on their screens and who they talk to. The generation has changed: there is violence and there are harmful ideas online. Know the apps, keep devices in shared rooms for younger children, and agree openly what you may look at and when. And if you see real danger, step in with complete firmness.

When to look closer

If screens are causing serious conflict, affecting sleep, school, or friendships, or if anyone in the family, adult or child, feels unable to stop using a device even when they want to, it may be worth talking to a doctor or family support service.

One small step

Tonight, at dinner, put every phone, including yours, in a basket in another room. Notice what happens: who talks, what is said, how long the meal lasts.

Then ask your family: “Should we do this again tomorrow?”

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Next step

Look at one real evening. Answer a few questions about what happened, and get a 7-day sheet to try. Try Tonight’s log → Screen plan →

Sources

• American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org. How to make a family media use plan. healthychildren.org