Moving House With Children: Helping Kids at Every Age

The short answer: a move is a family project, and children should carry part of it, each at their age. Tell them early and honestly, and help them leave well and arrive well.

Moving house is one of the biggest changes a family can go through. My view: a move is a family project, and children should carry part of it, each at their age. A child who packs their own box, helps choose where things go, and is told the honest reason, feels the move is happening with them, not to them. And the adults must agree on the move between themselves, behind a closed door, before the children hear about it. For adults, it often comes with reasons: a new job, a cheaper rent, a separation, a fresh start, being closer to family. For children, it can feel like something that simply happens to them.

Sometimes a move is exciting. Sometimes it is forced by money, a breakup, or circumstances nobody chose. Either way, children feel it.

What helps at every age

Tell them early, and honestly. Give them time to get used to the idea. Explain the reason in simple words.

Let them help. Choosing paint colours, packing their own box, deciding where their bed goes. Small choices give back some control.

Say goodbye properly. To friends, to neighbours, to the house itself. A last walk around the old rooms can help.

Keep routines going. Meals, bedtime, stories. In the middle of boxes, familiar routines are an anchor.

Unpack their room first. A familiar bed, toys and pictures make the new house feel safer sooner.

Expect some ups and downs. Changes in sleep, appetite, mood or behaviour are common for a while.

A Danish study of about 1.4 million people found that frequent moves in childhood were linked to more difficulties later in life, with “the highest risks among individuals who moved frequently during early adolescence” (Webb and colleagues 2016). That does not mean one move will harm your child. It means that how a move is handled, and how many there are, matters.

Under 5

What they may feel: Young children may not understand what moving means. They may worry that their toys, their bed, or even their family will be left behind. They may become clingy or have more tantrums.

What may help:

• Read picture books about moving.
• Let them see their toys going into boxes, and coming out again.
• Keep a favourite toy or blanket with them on moving day.
• Keep bedtime the same in the new house, from the first night.

Ages 5 to 9

What they may feel: School-age children may worry about making new friends, starting a new school, and losing old friends. They may feel sad, angry, or excited, sometimes all at once.

What may help:

• Visit the new school and neighbourhood before moving if possible.
• Make a “memory book” of the old house and friends.
• Help them stay in touch with one or two close friends through calls or letters.
• Look for a club or activity in the new area to help them meet children.

Ages 10 to 13

What they may feel: Friendships matter a great deal at this age. A move can feel like losing their whole social world. They may be angry with parents, or withdraw.

What may help:

• Listen to their feelings without arguing them away. “You’re going to miss your friends so much. That’s really hard.”
• Involve them in decisions where possible: their room, the route to school, a new activity.
• Help them keep in touch online with old friends, while encouraging new connections.
• Talk to the new school about a buddy system or extra support in the first weeks.

Teenagers

What they may feel: For teenagers, a move can disrupt friendships, romantic relationships, school exams, sports teams and part-time jobs. They may feel strongly that the decision was unfair. Some withdraw, some protest loudly.

What may help:

• Explain the reasons honestly, and listen to their objections with respect.
• Be flexible where you can: visits back, timing around exams, transport to see old friends.
• Help them find their place in the new area: a team, a job, a youth group.
• Give them time. Settling in can take months for teenagers.

When the move comes with separation or money worries

Some moves happen because a family is splitting into two homes, or because money is tight. These moves carry extra feelings for everyone, including the parent.

If this is your situation, be gentle with yourself. It is okay to tell children, simply, that this is a hard time, without giving them adult details. “We’re moving to a smaller flat. It will be different, and we’ll make it home together.” Children often adjust better than we fear when they feel their parent is steady and honest.

Moving between two homes

For children whose parents have separated, a move may mean a new house on one side only, while the other home stays the same. Or it may mean moving further from one parent.

If this is your family, talk with the other parent, if you can, about how the move will affect the children’s time with each of you, travel, and school. Children cope better with a move when they know they will not lose a parent along the way.

When to look for more support

If your child seems very unhappy for a long time after the move, struggles to make any friends, refuses to go to school, or shows signs of low mood or anxiety that do not ease, talk to their school or doctor.

This week

If a move is coming, sit down with each child separately and ask one question: “What are you most worried about with the move?” Write down their answers. Then choose one worry for each child, and make a small plan for it together.

A move is not only about boxes. It is about helping each child carry their own small world into a new home.

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Next step

See what you are carrying. Answer a few questions about the work in your home, and get a 7-day sheet to set one thing down. Load Map →

Sources

• Webb, R. T. and colleagues (2016). Adverse outcomes to early middle age linked with childhood residential mobility. American Journal of Preventive Medicine. Summary