My Teenager Talks to a Chatbot: Phones, Social Media and the Rules at Home

The short answer: a chatbot can help with homework, but it can’t be a friend who knows your child or a counsellor. Agree a few phone rules together, keep them yourself, and know who your teenager talks to.

A few years ago the question was “How long is my teenager on social media?” Now there is a new one: “Who is my teenager talking to?” Sometimes the answer is a chatbot: a program that answers like a person, any time of night, about anything.

What the numbers say

In a Pew Research Center survey of U.S. teens aged 13 to 17, published in December 2025, about four in ten said they are online almost constantly, and roughly two in three (64%) said they have used a chatbot (Pew Research Center).

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General warned that young people who spend more than three hours a day on social media face “double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes including symptoms of depression and anxiety” (AP report on the advisory).

These are figures about large groups of American teenagers. Your child is one person. But they tell us the phone is not a side issue.

My view

Screens are a danger, and so are some friends. The generation has changed. I don’t believe in pretending phones don’t exist, and I don’t believe in leaving a teenager alone with one either. The middle path is the same as everywhere else: a few firm lines, agreed together, and kept by the adults too.

What a chatbot can’t be

A chatbot can explain homework, suggest ideas, answer questions. Fine. What it can’t be:

• A friend who knows them. It doesn’t know your child, their history, their family or their face.
• A counsellor. If your teenager is telling a chatbot about sadness, fear or hurting themselves, that is a sign they need a person.
• A secret-keeper you can trust. What they type may be stored.

Ask your teenager, without judging, what they use it for. You may be surprised, and you will learn more by asking than by banning.

Five house rules

1. Phones charge outside bedrooms at night, the adults’ phones too. Sleep is where most of the damage is done.
2. Phone-free meals. One place in the day where everyone looks at each other.
3. Tell them in advance what you will check, and why. For example, location when they are out late. Open checking is safety. Reading their messages in secret costs trust you will need later. The exception is a specific, serious worry, such as self-harm or someone threatening them.
4. Agree the rules together and write them down. A rule a teenager helped write is a rule they are more likely to keep.
5. Say this before you ever need it: “If anyone online ever asks you for photos or threatens to share something, you won’t be in trouble for telling me.” If it happens: don’t pay, don’t send anything more, and don’t delete the messages. Screenshot them, block, then report.

Know who they talk to

I insist on one more thing, for sons and daughters alike: know who your child talks to, directly or indirectly. Online friends are still friends. Ask their names. Ask what they are like. A parent who is interested is told more than a parent who is suspicious.

What you are preparing them for

One day there will be no house rules. They will manage their own phone at university, at work, in their own marriage, with their own children. The goal of these years is not control. It is a young adult who can put the phone down by themselves.

When to get help

Talk to their doctor or school counsellor if they can’t stop even when they want to, if sleep and school are falling apart, or if they seem low and withdrawn most days for two weeks or more. If someone online is threatening or blackmailing them, or they talk about hurting themselves, get help today. If they are in danger, call your local emergency number.

---

Next step

Plan the phone talk. Check if it is the right moment, and get the first words to say. Before you talk → Phone agreement →

Sources

• Pew Research Center (December 2025). Survey of U.S. teens on social media and chatbots. pewresearch.org
• U.S. Surgeon General (2023). Social Media and Youth Mental Health advisory, as reported by the Associated Press. adn.com