Chores for Kids by Age: Sharing Housework Without a Fight

The short answer: if one person does everything, the children learn not to be responsible. Give each child jobs that fit their age, agree them as a family, and stop nagging all week.

“Can you please put your plate in the dishwasher?” Silence. “Can you put your plate in the dishwasher?” “In a minute.” “Now, please.” Groan. And in the end, you do it yourself, because it is faster than the fight.

In many homes, the person who does most of the housework is the same person who does most of the asking, and most of the reminding. Very often, that is the mother. And if she is raising children alone, there is no one else to share it with at all.

My view is firm on this. If one person does everything, the children learn not to be responsible. A parent who does all the housework to spare the children is not giving them a gift. When roles are shared, “carry the house with me”, children carry it, and they grow into adults who know how to carry a house of their own. Chores are not only about a cleaner house. They are upbringing.

Why chores matter for children

Children who help at home learn that they are part of a team, that their contribution matters, and that a home does not run by magic.

There may be other benefits too. One Australian study of over 200 families with children aged 5 to 13 found that children who did more household chores tended to have better working memory and self-control (Tepper and colleagues 2022, reported by the British Psychological Society). The study cannot show that chores cause these skills, but it fits with what many parents see: chores ask children to plan, focus and finish.

Checklist 1: Chores by age

These are ideas, not rules. Every child is different.

Ages 2 to 4:

• put toys in a basket
• put clothes in the laundry basket
• help feed a pet, with an adult
• wipe up small spills

Ages 5 to 7:

• make their bed, roughly
• set and clear the table
• sort socks
• water plants
• tidy their room with help

Ages 8 to 11:

• load or empty the dishwasher
• fold and put away their own laundry
• simple cooking with supervision
• take out the rubbish
• help with shopping lists

Ages 12 and up:

• cook a simple meal once a week
• clean the bathroom
• do their own laundry
• help with younger siblings, but not as a second parent

Checklist 2: Set it up so it works

• Keep it small. Two or three regular jobs per child are enough.
• Make it visible. A chart on the fridge, with names and days.
• Show how, then step back. Do it together the first few times.
• Accept “good enough”. A wonky bed is still a made bed. Redoing it teaches children their effort doesn’t count.
• Link to routines. Table cleared straight after dinner. Room tidied before screen time.
• Share the fun jobs too. Not only the boring ones.

Checklist 3: Avoid the war

• Ask once, clearly. Then point to the chart.
• Avoid long lectures. “In this house, we all help” is enough.
• Don’t use chores as punishment. It teaches that helping at home is a bad thing.
• Thank them. Even for their regular jobs. Adults like to be thanked too.
• Watch for fairness between children. Not the same jobs for all, but fair for their ages.
• No gender lines. Boys cook and clean. Girls take out the rubbish and fix things. Children learn what is “normal” from who does what.

The family agreement

Sit down together, at a calm time, and write a simple agreement. For example:

Our house is our team.

1. Everyone has jobs, even the adults.
2. Our jobs are on the chart on the fridge.
3. Jobs are done before screens.
4. If you can’t do your job, you can swap with someone, but you need to ask.
5. We say thank you when someone helps.
6. Every Sunday, we look at the chart together and change it if it isn’t fair.

Signed: ____________

Let older children help write it. People keep agreements they helped to make.

For the parent doing it all alone

If you are raising children alone, chores are not a nice extra. They are a necessity. You cannot do everything, and you do not have to. Even a young child putting their plate away is one less thing for you.

Start by putting the guilt down, and don’t wait for someone outside to rescue the house. Say it plainly, without guilt: “This house is ours. We carry it together, and you’re old enough to carry your part.” Many children rise to real responsibility when they understand it matters. You are asked to do your role, not to do theirs too.

For two-parent homes

Children notice who does the housework. If one parent does most of it, children learn that this is normal. The question for the adults is the one I ask every family: is each of you doing your role? Sharing the house between the adults, visibly and fairly, may be the most powerful chore lesson of all.

When teenagers say, “Why should I?”

Older children and teenagers may push back hardest. It can help to treat them as almost-adults: explain that everyone who lives in the house shares the work, and let them choose which jobs they take from a list. Link responsibility to freedom where it makes sense: a teen who can cook a family meal is a teen who can be trusted with more independence. Many teenagers respond better to being needed than to being told.

One small step

This week, choose one job for each child, show them how to do it, and put it on a simple chart. At the end of the week, sit together and look at the chart. What went well? What needs changing?

A house shared by everyone is not always tidier. But it is often calmer. And a tired parent who is helped is a parent with a little more left to give.

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Next step

Check the balance. A few short questions about one child, including whether they carry a real job in the house. Get one step for tonight and a 7-day sheet. Balance Check → Chore planner →

Sources

• British Psychological Society, Research Digest (2022). Doing more chores linked to better executive functioning in kids, but direction of effect unclear. On Tepper, D. L. and colleagues, Australian Occupational Therapy Journal. bps.org.uk